it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
