you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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