dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
