Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
