I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
