Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
