there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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