i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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