i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
