What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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