my mouth tastes like poor choices
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
