i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
