how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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