3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You pole danced in your parka.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Drunk is a universal language darling
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
