Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
