im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
