a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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