she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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