and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
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Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
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Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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