Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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