i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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