you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
