I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
