this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
