I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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