i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i drank out of a bidet.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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