i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
