I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
