i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
