That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
