Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
