its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
