Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize
