I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
