end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
