I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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