If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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