So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
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We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
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He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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