i need an iv and a liver transplant
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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