And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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