take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
