he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
