i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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