I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
