found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize