I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
