Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You took a bar mat shot.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
