if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
