I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
