I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just cropdusted the office
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
