I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
