i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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