Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
