i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
