Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
