I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
