I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
