She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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