I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
