yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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