So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
