Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
