hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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