White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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