my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
