At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
