I wish my penis had an off switch
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You can't special order awesome
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
