I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
