Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
