im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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