Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I love you. Go after that dick
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
