So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The air was thick with penises
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
