i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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