Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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