Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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